“Why aren’t you married as yet?!” This is a question many Indian women have had to field over the years, from parents, friends, relatives, neighbourhood watchmen and plenty of strangers at weddings. Staying single, especially after turning 30, comes with social stigma, because – even though times are changing – marriage still remains the penultimate life goal in India.
When a woman says she is single by choice, it’s more or less assumed that she is somehow unattractive or ‘unsuitable.’ And this stigma often translates into adverse real-world repercussions, with single women having difficulty getting business loans or denied rental housing based on their status – and, by extension, their ‘questionable character’.
‘Happily Unmarried’ an online project by Majlis Legal Centre, attempts to remove this stigma, and celebrate singlehood instead by sharing stories of ‘happily unmarried’ women. Majlis, a forum for women’s rights discourse and legal initiatives, decided to launch the project after noticing an increasing number of cases of domestic violence among married women. Although they are unhappy in their abusive marriages, they are afraid of walking away because of the stigma of being single.
By sharing the stories, they want to encourage young, unmarried women to make an informed decision about marriage rather than giving in to social pressure and being unhappily married. Zara Shah, who worked on the project, comments “My biggest take away was probably the extent of the problem of marriage’s superiority as institution. I don’t think I ever realised (a) that it’s a problem and (b) how huge it is. Even the fact that we celebrate weddings and the way we do, making such a big
deal about it just goes to show how important the institution is. Not once, at least until the project had I seen or heard of anyone celebrating singledom. The fact that my 16 year old peers say things like ‘when I get married’ instead of ‘if I get married’ as if marriage is given. As if it’s some sort of mile stone that one
achieves in life.”
Majlis Legal wants to show Indian women that being single can be a healthy choice and that marriage should not be put on a pedestal. Rachael Alphonso is one of the women featured in the campaign. She used the platform to make an open declaration to a family friend who had expressed concerns about her unmarried status. Alphonso’s statement, “I will get married if a partner really adds meaning to my already very happy life”, is a very powerful one. It highlights the independence an individual can and should have with or without a partner by their side.
Another story was shared by Liyi Noshi from Arunachal Pradesh, who lives in Delhi with her five foster children. She decided against marriage when she was in her twenties. “I don’t have to please anyone,” Noshi says. “If there’s something I want to do, I can just get up and do it. No one will ask me, ‘Kahan ja rahi hai? Kyun ja rahi hai?’ (Where are you going? Why are you going?)”
Discourse being the first step to doing away with stigma, Majlis’ initiative is an immensely important one. What better way to show India that there is no shame in being single, than by sharing stories of those living life on their own terms, single but not alone. It’s a start.
Written by Additi Seth
Featured image credit: Majlis Legal Centre
